Hollywood… What the hell?

There’s already a problem in trying to write something meaningful about this shitshow film. It sort of defies itself. The movie isn’t even out and it’s on the critic chopping block. 

Lionsgate, when you haven’t even hit the large screen, you might want to take a look at what you need up making.

I think people are having a hard time talking about this movie, at least in a post Exodus world. Like, we already went through this right? We already had this discussion, about portraying Egypt with white people and how that’s been a Hollywood tradition since the dawn of cinema. Yes, it was a crappy thing to do back in the past, but much like you love your grandparents while also understanding they’re hopelessly racist, we accept that it was part of our past and try to move on to something better.

And then shit like this happens and sets us back fifty years.

But just because it’s hard to come back to this topic, it doesn’t mean that we get to turn a blind eye. If they’re going to make us say something, then by God someone has to say something.

Hollywood. Knock it off.

It’s time to learn from our past and move on. As hard as it is to imagine, it is possible to have leading roles for minorities, especially if the setting is the home of the culture. Not every leading guy has to be white, no one has to lose their careers over this.

Because let’s face it, even if this movie was perfectly cast with all of its diversity, this would be a really shitty movie.

Lionsgate goes the extra mile to throw a Hollywood lens on an ancient piece of culture, namely the Egyptian religion. Perhaps it has no active followers right now, but it is part of Egyptian culture, and that history informs their lives still to this day. It’s not some hip lore to scavenge like a Tolkien novel, these were peoples’ lives. Some respect would be nice. And if they’re trying to sell this movie on its special effects, they could not have hit further from the mark. It looks like some early 2000s SyFy original. Lovable characters? Only if by lovable you mean annoying with every badly written, poorly delivered quip. No one looks like they want to be there, like they all got high and someone pitched the movie to them, and it seemed like an awesome idea with a nose full of blow until they showed up to the set and realized they hadn’t been dreaming.

And Gerard and Nikolaj? What are you two doing here? You don’t owe Lionsgate anything, you both don’t need to go down this shit canoe. This is the kind of movie from which people and careers do not recover, a black hole of Internet hate that will hungrily swallow you both. Now every time you two try to make a movie, we get to say, “Well, I think it looks all right, but it will never make up for that Egypt lobotomy of a film they were both in. Let’s go watch it again and meme it to shit.” You both saw what was going to become of this, there really isn’t an excuse. Not even the money. Nick still gets paid every time someone says, “A Lannister pays their debts,” and I’m pretty sure Leonidas still gets a kickback whenever anyone quotes 300 or sells a Toothless doll. You both should have known better. Shame on you.

It’s up to us to send a message to Hollywood to make sure they know they can’t get away with this anymore. No one should be seeing this movie, even to make fun of it. I don’t technically endorse pirating, but there are other ways to watch a film without paying for it (I’m just saying). Don’t let them make anything from this abomination, executives only listen to figures and quarterly sales. Make sure they know that if they try to market something like this Taco Bell Dump again, they might as well withdraw the same amount of money from their bank accounts and have a nice beach bonfire.

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